Me. At least after what I've been through.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
