at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
