We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
