doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I want a musical about memes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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