Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
