Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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