I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
