he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
