My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
