update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
