What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
