You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
there is puke in my bra ... again
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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