I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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