I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
