Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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