I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
