Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
