i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
