I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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