my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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