My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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