the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
