so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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