Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
