The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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