She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
