DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
