So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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