My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
