You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
