My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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