I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
