I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
