uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
