Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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