She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
