I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
