Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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