Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
