I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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