i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
