Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
