god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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