I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Your cock deserves a montage
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
