I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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