dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
