I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
