my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
