Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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