There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
