And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
