His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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